THE LOST FREEDOM
BY: ALAWI

Sunday, October 07, 2007


I was free man once, by all meanings, I use to enjoy that little weird things in life, like the smell of a wet soil or the shape of the clouds, the splendor sunset, the rays of the sun when they sneak to my room in the afternoon. Life wasn't hard back then, it was relatively easy and less complicated. I remember coming from school on a Thursday evening was a magical time for me, how did I go from that to not feel anything anymore?

Now days, I just don't give a rat's ass about almost anything. I lost my communication with life, mostly because I lost my freedom somewhere in the past years of my life.

I think when you get more responsibilities and more things to care about, you become a slave to those things, and that leads to losing your free soul. I think I've killed all my good brain cells, I think I've killed my old self, I can't paint again, play music or do any creative work anymore.

Lifestyle is the most destructive thinks in life, we chase imaginary lifestyles we pick from TV; we buy thinks we don't need just to match a catalog, magazine or gay celebrity. We bust our asses all day long to serve the little things that we own, if you thing you work for yourself, you are wrong, dead wrong, you work to fill your car with gas, keep your TV running and your "High Speed Internet" working, you accepted taking shit from people you hate just to keep you miserable life up thinking someday you will be a rock star or a big shoot celebrity, and day after day you are becoming the fuel for the new "civilized lifestyle", slowly converting to digits resting in hypothetical banking systems, you are the hard working bee for the credit companies, you work to make some dickless rich guy even richer, that's how you lose your freedom, by chasing the wrong dreams, by being a member of the minimum - wage society.

Now I have nothing, my life got into another black hole, now I'm back to square one, I have nothing but a laptop and a sleeping bag, waiting for a metrical to happing, I know I'm ganna have to make a big time compromise and get myself into another ass-busting high-risk job like the one I use to have, it wasn't fun at all, not when you have too many people shooting at you and want you dead, but gain it's the price a have to pay to get myself back together, I'm not free again to decide what to do, not sense life made me put myself in the danger zone, again and again, well, I don't have that giant bull's eye drown on my ass, but I think I'm ganna have to put it again, see what happens when life notices you, you get fucked, a big time.

But I've made a my mind to retrieve my freedom again no matter what its ganna take, I can't live like that anymore, it's just hard. I think I'm ganna get myself killed "again".